All posts by Tinah Bee

About Tinah Bee

Weaving The Fine Linen Of Life

WOMAN AT THE FENCE

“Silence before the storm
I reach the house hidden by the night

A light I saw I knocked all quietly
I entered; a woman sat by the spinning wheel

“What brings you here my child”, she asked?
“Don’t you know our lady keeps her secrets well?”

It’s my life I am running from
It’s my fate I am hiding from,
Oh, would the Goddess speak to me?

Her ways I don’t understand, the mysteries that I must know,
Oh, would the Mother see through me?

“Why don’t you rest my child”, she said, “I will seek her advice, I will wake you when it’s time”
All night by the spinning wheel, she sang an ancient tune and in the morn’ her work was done
In the distance I heard a call, I awoke and I held the spindle in my hand
My other hand it held new life, the Goddess had been by my side and her blessing was mine.”
Frigga’s Web by Hagalaz Runedance

ā€œIā€™m standing in a meadow. Grass all around. In front of me on a distance a long long wooden fence and a deep knowing within that when
I will pass that fence there will be no returning back for ever more.ā€
I am 9, seriously ill with extreme high fever and I do not pass.
The image of the wooden fence markS a moment in time of choice, a choice to live for life was on one side of it and death on the other. A fence beiNg a border, a borderline between two different worlds.

In 1975 this wooden fence would appear in my life once more. But this time it would not appear in my dream but in the dream of someone else. That someone else I had met at school while being a very young girl. Ten years later, that Sunday morning 1975, I simply dialed the number I still remembered. His father answered the phone telling me his son was still asleep and if I could call back later. I did. When I mentioned my name he was not surprised at all. He told me that he had a dream that very night in which he had seen me sitting on a fence, a wooden fence like the one in my fever dream. Then it was my turn to be surprised.
What I came to understand is that the wooden fence was a marker of important moments of choice in my life and I had to smile realizing that fence (in Dutch hek) is part of my lastname: Hekman.

It is November 2017. I’m in my room sitting with a question, pondering/meditating how to react, how to respond to this subject at hand. My thoughts are wandering around freely and I am following them, following them to the North, to the Runes and Stories of my Ancestors and before “waking up” I see a wooden fence, the wooden fence, with as it looks like the shape of the Rune Yr in it, the one with the arrow and in a split second a woman standing at the fence. Back in my room I’m wondering who this woman is. Is it Eir, one of the Helpers of Mengloth, the Norse Healer who lives high on a mountain top? What is her message for me?
And, the fence was there again. What does that mean.
I have no answers.
What I understand is finding myself again at another important moment in my life and, to hold focus (Yr) but, on what?

Water for me is a bringer of clear messages. And so it does two weeks later while taking a long warm shower.
Being on a Ancestry/Family Journey since a year, having collected lots of info and having found back living relatives overseas in the US and Canada (I’m living in the Netherlands) I am called to write a book, a book about our Family History, to reconnect families who have been separated by the ocean for a long time, to reconnect us all, with each other, our Homeland, our Ancestors, our Roots.
What is connecting us is our last name “Hekman”. What is the meaning of this name.
This is what I find:
Literally the name Hekman means “man (living) at the fence”. We can think of a farm or house called The Fence because it is situated near a fence that separates it from a road.
In 1285 the Monastery Betelehem (Gelderland province NL) received the right to, in times of danger, close the road that went through its territory by placing a fence. The property that was situated nearby they started to call At The Fence” and later on “The Fence”.

Again, The fence as a border in case separating the land from the road, keeping two worlds apart from each other.
But I feel a Connector and I think of Isa who, when she appears as ice, creates a bridge where was water first. Then Ior pops up.

At school I have learned that fences, rivers, mountains are separating what is on both sides of them. Ior now is teaching me something different.
The Isa (vertical line) in the middle of Ior we can see as separating the two sides of it but also as connecting them. Standing at Isa, in that liminal space, that world in between, I can see both sides. It is my choice to see them being separated or being connected.
And so it is with the wooden fence of my life being an Isa in between two worlds. It is my choice to connect them or to keep them apart.
It is my choice to pass the Fence and explore the other side or to stay where I am.
Is the young woman an Invitation to enter a new area in my life?
What choice will I make?
When Hagalaz comes my way it is clear “disturbance” has arrived, a Storm ready to blow me out of my comfort zone, ready to disrupt the threads once spun and woven into a pattern no longer needed.
I hold the Spindle in my hand
My other hand it holds new life.


Frigga’s Web  – listen

 

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BeFriending Hela


With the sound of a howling wolf you release your last Breath and all that is left is silence.
Things come into motion as happens when someone has died. I’m sitting in a chair, holding your waistcoat like a child, cradling myself, tears falling from my eyes without sound. Then they take the waistcoat away from me leaving my arms and heart behind like an empty space.
When people are gone I walk towards the bed and all at the sudden while laying my hand on your arm a face appears in front of me, a life-threatening face, looking mean with ears made of sharp claws, grinning, ready to jump on me and to dig its claws deep in me. I am so scared but I keep looking at it because at that very moment my hand let me Know that it lays on an arm of a dead body and I realize that this frightening image is inside of me. And so I keep looking until it disappears.

When Fear has gone a Door is opened to another reality.

I now feel a sun shining warm in my face. It isn’t the sun from outside for I’m sitting with my back towards the windows. Turning my head I don’t feel the warmth anymore. Only when I Face it its there.
I ask my sister if she also feels this warm shining sun but she doesn’t.
This is your Gift to me.

 

THE WISDOM OF BERKANA

“To watch the arrival of spring after a long cold winter is to know the Magic of Berkana.
To watch a mother dog push a runt from the litter and refuse to feed it is to know the Wisdom of Berkana.”
From: Runes Revealed by Ingrid Kincaid, The Rune Woman

The Wheel is turning and I am turning with it.
Wunjo – Berkana – Wunjo
Looking at these three I’m stunned. It is 5 months ago that I embarked on this Journey The Great Wheel with the Runes and drew Rune(s) for each Dark Moon and Full Moon during a Lunar Year.
For this period of time I drew Wunjo (and Jera) for the October Full Moon, Berkana for the October Dark Moon and Wunjo again for the November Full Moon.

Looking at them, at their shapes, one can see clearly a relationship between the two. What do they want to tell me?
Wunjo we can see as a Flag at the top of a Flagpole. Now, a Flag can be moved by the slightest breeze, and the slightest breeze can be the start of a storm.
Moving the Flag, Changing weather, also in our own lives.

Looking at Wunjo-Berkana-Wunjo I know that I will need the Wisdom of Berkana to finally come to understand how to move the Flag of Wunjo and, wanting to change the weather in my life, to bring it into motion myself instead of waiting for something or someone else to do so.

The Wisdom of Berkana, knowing what to push off, what to simply leave behind, what to nurture and feed.
Like the Bees do in this very time of year. Pushing off the Drones for the Good of the Hive, for the Hive to survive this upcoming winter to thrive again and come fully back to life again at the arrival of the next spring.

The Wheel is turning and I am turning with it.

WUNJO

WUNJO

This week was a busy week, one that asked me to think about this, about that, to not forget this and that, to take actions, being awake. My brain producing Beta Waves all the time to keep me awake and productive. Storm at night holding me back from long deep sleep.
And I noticed that I was longing for some quiet time, to go more within, that all this being without didn’t make me feel good, made me tired and irritated and all at the sudden Wunjo showed me how, when the little Kenaz is on top, I am fully awake, being in Beta State, when it goes down half stav, me going down into Alpha State, going down to the bottom, me going down into Theta State, the Dreamstate.

And this for me fits very well with what we can find on Internet as a meaning of Wunjo being a Blossom carrying twig. A blossom carrying twig, Blossom going into Bloom, Bloom into Fruition, Fruition into Decay, also different States of Being and that, yes, there is a certain time for all these phases.

The Runes over and over again show me the ongoing movement of Nature’s cycles, the ongoing changing of Nature’s Rhythms and I thank my body for being my Guide in this continuing Dance of different Rhythms and Timing.

OTHILA

OTHILA

(please scroll down for English)
De wereld is er stil van,
vandaag. Geen wind, geen regen, maar die typische stilte alsof de hele wereld zijn adem inhoudt.
Ik wandel met onze oudste hond van 11,5 en terwijl hij wat rond rent, geniet ik van de rust en, langzaam maar zeker, word ik me ervan bewust dat ik deel uitmaak van die rust, van de omgeving waarin ik loop.
En op het ritme van mijn passen ontstaan de woorden: Ik – Ben – Thuis (2,3,4), Ik – Ben – Thuis (2,3, 4), Ik – Ben – Thuis (…), Ik – Ben – Thuis

Today silence all around, no wind, no rain, only this typical stillness like the whole world is holding its breath.
I’m walking with our dog of 11,5 years old and while he is running around I am enjoying the quietness around me.
Slowly I become aware of being part of this quietness, of being part of the area I’m walking in and on the rhythm of my steps these words come forth:
I – Am – Home (2, 3, 4), I – Am – Home (2, 3, 4,), I – Am – Home (…), I – Am – Home

TEIWAZ

For English please scroll down

Na een week werken met Teiwaz en Jarnsaxa deze inspiratie:
Teiwaz = Isa (verticale lijn) en Kenaz (de letter v) omgekeerd op de top.
Een Staf met Vleugeltjes van Kenaz.
Draagster van de Staf “vliegend”, Vertrouwend, op haar Innerlijke Wijsheid en Weten en van daaruit haar waarheid spreken.

After a week working with Teiwaz and Jarnsaxa this inspiration came my way:
Teiwaz = Isa (vertical line) and Kenaz (letter v) up side down on top of it.
A Staff with Wings made from Kenaz.
A Staff Carrier “Flying”, Trusting, her Inner Knowledge and Wisdom and from that place speaking her Truth.

THE GIFT OF GEBO

a href=”https://isawomanwiththedrum.files.wordpress.com/2017/10/church.png”>I passed Christianity and re-entered the Land of my Pagan Ancestors.
Much is happening these days. So much, it can’t be caught in words yet.
With a few close Family Members I’ve visited Ancestral Places and so many things have been fallen into place in a way not to be expected.
Going down the line of registered Ancestors, what I find is that many of them, if not all, were very into church and that there was one special church of importance for my family, a so called Cross Church, a church with a cross shaped roof.

Today, in the midst of all the whirling, I all at the sudden had a moment of stand still and in the stillness of the eye of the storm I came to realise that I, during this time window between Full Moon and Dark Moon, this period in which I am so involved in my ancestral Journey, that I am working with the Rune Gebo, Gebo whose shape is a cross. Yes, it’s a different shape, but its a cross.

Not the cross of suffering and pain but one that whispers the many meanings of Gift and also “You Are The Gift”.
And in this very moment of holding the breath, Skadi is throwing the Arrow and I am following it beyond Christianity right into the Fertile Land of my Pagan Ancestry.
This Journeying Back into the Past has Gifted me a Welcoming Future.